An Indian Wedding

 It’s the day after Kabita’s wedding to Subatra and I wanted to record the events factually and without bias so readers can make up their own minds if arranged weddings still have a place in the 21^st century. (I don’t think I have succeeded with the bias.)

Orissa, India, is a very proud but poor state in the Indian sub-continent. The Caste system is still strong here and arranged marriages are commonplace. I have been working in Puri, Orissa for 2 months and when I heard that a young girl from the office was getting married I was excited at the chance of being present at a genuine Indian wedding. 2 weeks to ago I even asked her if she was excited about her wedding day and I was surprised to get a blank look as a reply.

Tuesday 29^th May arrived, we all had work as usual and I was asked to be back at the office for 7pm where everyone would meet before going onto the venue. I was given a lift by Mishra on the back of his motor bike and we arrived just a few minutes early. Kabita was being made ready by Debismeta and her attendants in a small room at the front of the hotel and I was beckoned in to take a seat.

She really was looking stunning and the detail and labour going into her Sari and makeup was amazing. Her hands and her feet were also finely decorated in henna tattoos and toes and fingers were bejewelled.

I joined my other colleagues outside for more information on the evening’s events: The Groom would arrive at about 11pm and the service would start at midnight, as per the custom of their Caste. I enquired what happened after the ceremony and was informed the couple would leave to go back to his family home and only family members would stay behind. Also none of my colleagues were going to stay for the actual ceremony. Dilemma. Debismeta offered to stay with me if I really wanted to, but we would have to stay until morning, because there was no transport and it wasn’t safe for women to go out in the night.  

Food was available now and I eagerly wanted to see what wedding fare was like: rice, curry (veg and non-veg) dahl and salad, now there’s a surprise! There were plates and we had chairs to sit on, but no spoons. (I became resourceful and used a carrot from the salad as my spoon!)

I returned to see Kabita and found her sobbing her heart out beside her mother and sister. She had not met her betrothed before this day, after the ceremony all ties will be cut with her family and she would stay with her husband forever. Surendra wanted a photo beside her but I declined as she was so visibly distraught!

At about 10pm I could hear drumming in the distance that was gradually getting louder. This was the arrival of the groom – fireworks, music blaring, men dancing, fuelled by alcohol but generally in good spirits.

The groom arrived in a beautifully decorated car and dressed in all his finery.

He was carried to the entrance of the venue where brand new shoes were placed on his decorated feet.

He was then taken into the building to a room above where Kabita was still crying.

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The Grooms party then partook of the food and all seemed well so Debismeta and I went upstairs for photos with the Groom. On the way up we heard shouting and yelling from the garden below and looked out to see that a fight had broken out.

Everyone seemed to be joining in and I decided then I would not stay to see the ceremony. I think Debismeta was relieved. After a few minutes the culprits were evicted and calm was restored.

It was now 11pm and my colleagues were keen to leave. Kabita was with her family to join her in solemn matrimony to a man she had never met before. She is 21years old and her now husband 28. They say 'first comes marriage then comes love', I do so hope so for Kabita and Subrata.

I was pleased to get back to my apartment and that we didn’t stay, although Debismeta would have stayed with me if it had been what I wanted. I couldn’t sleep.

Last September my eldest daughter Christine married James who she has loved since she met him. It was the happiest day of her life, though mixed emotions for me, I was so happy to see her radiant and smiling. I could never imagine telling any of my children who and when they had to marry, but if it’s what you are used to and know, it seems you do carry out your duty even if it breaks your heart.